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Friday, October 13, 2006


Religious Intolerance Cuts Both Ways?

Violence erupted earlier this week in North Texas after a hedgehog was overheard reading from a Catholic breviary, or holy book of prayers. Apparently, a scorpion took offense to one of the Bible readings that are part of the Divine Office. The Divine Office is the group of prayers said daily by priests as part of their religious vows. While Catholics who are not priests or nuns - referred to as 'lay' persons in the Church hierarchy - are not required to read the Divine Office, many choose to do so as part of their personal prayer.

A Mr. Hedgehog was reading prayers aloud when a passing scorpion took offense.

Mr. Hedgehog - file photo.

"I was reading evening prayers, and read from the Gospel of Luke, Chapter 10, Verse 19, which starts with,

'Behold, I have given you authority to tread upon serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy; and nothing shall hurt you.'

"The next thing I know, some scorpion is trying to sting me and push me off the book. I will have you know that we hedgehogs do not take too kindly to such behavior, and thankfully my prickles protected me from his stinger."

Violence spread as more scorpions heard of the species intolerance read aloud by the hedgehog.

"If it were a duck, or a hedgehog that Luke had written about, I assure you the words would have been changed to keep from exhibiting xenophobic tendencies," said Mr. Scorpion, a spokesman for the Scorpion And Insects of North Texas(SAINT) office. "We have studied the gospels, and have found them to be a literary work resplendent with the glorious interaction of God and Scorpion. Jesus even mentions in one of the gospels how it is far more desirable to receive a gift scorpion instead of a raw egg."

Mr. Scorpion - file photo.

"Mr. Scorpion is right," said a department chairman of a theology department of a Catholic University where the one-act play, The Elbow Soliloquies, has been playing to packed audiences for the past several years. "Luke is so passe. We need to get rid of this outdated concept of good and evil. We need to live and let live. Like so much else in the church, its teachings are old-fashioned, especially as we are growing in our understanding of the universe. Scorpions are good creatures; they are much more in tune with the environment and the natural rhythm of the earth than we are.

"We all could become fully and better human beings if we channeled our inner scorpion," said this famous theologian.

Meanwhile in North Texas, a group of scorpions vandalized the gift shop, overturning the basin that collects the water that some believe is miraculously flowing from a 15-passenger van owned by a Mr. Dadwithnoisykids. The curator of the gift shop, one Mr. Moose, was astonished by this turn of events. “We had just gotten a new shipment of the Roman Sacristan Game, T-Shirts, and the Roman Sacristan Monopoly Game, and a new soft drink, Roman Up! Now it is all ruined.”

“I don’t know how I am going to pay for this mess,” he said.

Mr. Moose - file photo.

Late this evening, there was another confrontation between Mr. Hedgehog and several scorpions. The scorpions tried to break up evening prayers by shouting down the lone hedgehog.

Several other animals came to the aid of the hedgehog, and there was a heated exchange between the two groups.

Violence was barely avoided as the scorpions, a duck, a crab, and a moose faced each other.

Fortunately, violence did not break out, and the prayers continued. The scorpions dispersed after joining claws and singing 'Give Peas a Chance."

"Give Peas a Chance!"

“We had an exchange of real words, which I see as the beginning of a dialogue regarding this touchy subject of scorpions and their role in the world,” Mr. Hedgehog said afterwards, “It gives me hope that we can reach a peaceful understanding of our differences, and grow in greater love for God and for truth.”

Mr. Hedgehog discusses the issues with our reporter.

“If he weren’t covered with prickles, he would look like a pin cushion right now,” was the only comment from the scorpions.

As further developments become known, we will keep you informed.


dadwithnoisykids said...

My self-imposed moratorium on mentioning The Roman Sacristan has ended. Before I begin another one, go check out his blog about the Carthusian monks. Makes me want to go on retreat right now!

Joee Blogs said...

YOU'RE BLOG ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I totally love your house, you've got loooadsa teddy bears AWWW!!!

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