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Sunday, August 27, 2006

The Big Blue Miracle

Almost the Christmas Miracle

Big Blue - site of a miracle?

Mr. Moose, the curator of the van ‘Big Blue,’ reports some strange developments in the week following the unfortunate Sacristan Strike.

Mr. Moose shows where he was sitting when
Roman Sacristan hit the van 'Big Blue'

“We were busy putting the new sticker on the Big Blue,” said Moose, “when one of my assistants noticed a peculiar smell coming from the front right panel of the van. That was the area where the Roman Sacristan struck the front of the van. I was sitting in my usual position, on the right front part of the dashboard, and I saw the whole thing. That had to hurt.”

“It smelled like incense, like something from out of this world,” said Duck.

file photo

When word spread through the neighborhood, folks began to make pilgrimages to see and smell the van that appears to be emanating incense. Incense is used in during various parts of the Mass, but in many parishes, it has disappeared from the church altogether. “My guess is it is some incense that had permeated the Roman Sacristan’s clothing, and rubbed off on the van”

Pilgrims line up to see the mysterious water and examine the incense-bearing van. Some appear to have been overcome by the heat.

A Sacred Spring

Friday morning dawned, with the pilgrims amazed to discover a pool of water underneath the right front corner of the van. When the van was sitting on the concrete with the engine idling, the ‘Big Blue’ began to secrete even more water, which was eagerly collected by the pilgrims.

“It tastes fresh, with a bit of a metallic aftertaste,” said Scorpion, “It eased the pain of my sciatica.”

“It is condensation from the forward air conditioner unit,” responded an indignant dadwithnoisykids, when he was asked about the miraculous spring of water that came forth from his van after striking Roman Sacristan. He pointed out that there was another air conditioning unit located in the left rear corner of the van, which also dripped condensation. “There is nothing miraculous about air conditioners dripping water.”

“And make sure you make it clear in your report that I did not hit Roman Sacristan. I was sitting still when HE struck my van!”

“Right you are, Mr. Dadwithnoisykids,” said Duck, “you can persist in your delusional unbelief.”

“For those who believe, no explanation is necessary. For those who do not believe, no explanation is possible. That is what my grandfather always said," added Mr. Moose.

Pilgrims have started to wash in the water collected underneath the ‘Big Blue,’ and miraculous cures are inevitable, according to several visitors who agreed to talk on the condition of anonymity. One bear came here with a serious illness and went home as healthy as a newborn bear cub.

This little pilgrim bathes in the water as others look on, awaiting their turn. Note how clean the water appears.

Before taking a dip in the water, this pilgrim shows a crab that had been bothering him for years. After the bath, the crab was gone.

The Next Lourdes?

So far, the Diocese of Dallas has been silent on this apparition.

“This does not surprise me,” said dadwithnoisykids, “the Church typically spends time observing these kinds of phenomena, until enough information can be gathered. Sometimes it takes years. Usually if the apparition or a phenomenon has a message consistent with the Magisterium, the Church will gently remind the pilgrims that what they are hearing is something the Church has always taught. If the message is not in accordance with Church teaching, the faithful are counseled to avoid the site or messenger. In this case, though, there is no message; just a van dripping condensation from its forward air conditioning unit. There is an abundance of miracles present in our world, such as a God Who became Man, Who died for our salvation, and is truly present in the Blessed Sacrament.” One doesn’t need to surround my van when you can go and spend time in prayer in Church, in front of Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament.”

“I wish people would spend more time praying for other things, such as a new bishop for the Diocese of Dallas.” Bishop Grahmann of Dallas recently tendered his resignation upon reaching the age of retirement.

For now, dadwithnoisykids has allowed pilgrims to visit and wash in the water, provided they not trample the garden or leave garbage after themselves. While the pilgrims have petitioned to make the van ‘Big Blue’ a permanent site, dadwithnoisykids has indicated that he can not afford a new van at this time.

“We are starting a fund to buy ‘Big Blue,’ and are looking for corporate sponsorship,” stated Mr. Moose. “From now on, I want to go into the church instead of sitting out in the van during Mass.”

Mr. Moose in a contemplative moment

Copyright, SSD/MetaltrAch, 2006


Ronny said...

I've known Roman Sacristan since his college days. Believe me, that's not incense you're smelling.

Anonymous said...

I am so proud. A mother seldom sees miracles involving her son, so I've followed with interest the adventures of the big blue van, and for the occasion of the Sacristan saga, I have penned a poem for you:

There once was a big ol'blue van
that struck a careless Sacristan.
The results of the wreck
saved believers from heck
and established the first rolling shrine -- Amen!

I have become a daily reader of your meanderings -- er, musings and look forward to new tales of ducks, scorpions, kids, and vans, and maybe even a stray Sacristan or two.

God bless! Sacristan's mom

Roman Sacristan said...

Hey, only the finest Somalian Frankenscense is used.

Interesting Limerick, Mom. LOL.

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Lead me away from all occasions of sin.
Guide me in fulfilling your last words in the Gospel,
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