Recommended Reading For Anyone

"A great gift for Christmas, or even better, Advent, since it begins with the beginning of the liturgical year. Something we wish we could carry in the gift shop"

Mr. Moose








DIVINE INTIMACY: Meditations on the Interior Life for every day of the Liturgical Year
By
Father Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalene, OCD


This is an excellent book for daily spiritual reading and growth. I have had it for several years, and made a habit of noting the date when I read that particular chapter. What I have ended up with is a record of where I started and, unfortunately, stopped reading this book as part of my spiritual growth. I hope that one day I will fill each page with dates indicating that each page is complete.

The book is set up for an older liturgical calendar than the one we presently use (the book was completed in the 1960's), so the Mass readings do not always correspond to ours. Nevertheless, it is still worth it. Each day's readings start with a prayer to put ourselves in the presence of God. The next section consists of a meditation in two parts. The final section is a colloquy, or prayer, which includes a resolution to improve one’s spiritual life in some manner.

Here is part of one of the resolutions, which I find to be a good passage to meditate upon, especially when I find my attempts at prayer or meditation to be interrupted by some task that needs my attention:

"O Jesus, grant that like You I may live in continued union with God and at the same time give myself to my neighbor. May I lead a life of continual recollection, prayer, and contemplation, yet a life wholly devoted to service of others."

In your charity of prayers, please remember my wife who will undergo a minor procedure on the Feast of All Saints. Thank you.


Here is a link to view the book for sale. DISCLOSURE: I do not endorse any company nor do I receive any reimbursement for including this on my blog

Scorpions Hold Protest, Concert Breaks Out

Protesting scorpions hold a sit-in on a box of Honey Nut Cheerios to protest the 'scorpiophagia' which they witnessed on the internet last night.









Violence erupted yesterday after the scorpions witnessed a brutal act of scorpiophagia, or scorpion eating, which they found on the internet last night. There were reports of riots in North Texas at this time. For a while, internet access was down at this location, so that is why this story is being sent late. Fortunately, the rumors of riots were incorrect.

“It is not enough that you want to tread on our defenseless bodies. Now you want to eat us.” This was the terse statement of the organization SAINT - Scorpions and Insects of North Texas – that was released shortly after 10 p.m. Central Standard Time.

The hedgehogs could not be reached for comment. They are attending a conference in Austin this weekend titled, ‘Living with Arthropods – Fulfilling the Dream.’






Comments from the crowd:


"I am so angry to hear that I was not invited to attend the conference with my colleagues! I promise that hedgehogs will roll! I am going to go and write a memorandum! A meeting will be scheduled!"










The scorpions allege that the video shows a man known as David Letterman eating a combination of cucumber slice and scorpion, along with some other unidentified substances. See the disgusting clip here.






A rabbit at the sit-in was heard to say that the scorpions have a point. "I wouldn't want to see someone eat rabbit stew. We have to see this incident from their perspective."













After a few shouted slogans, the scorpions were asked to sing a few songs. What followed was an hour of crowd-pleasing favorites, sung in Barber Shop Quartet style. A collection was taken at the end of the impromptu concert, and the crowd dispersed peacefully.

"I haven't heard such a good rendition of 'Free Bird' since I attended a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert in the 1970's," said Miss Pig, "tell my fans that I will be making another blog appearance later this week!"

Miss Pig has collaborated with Mr. Dadwithnoisykids on several occasions, especially when the subject has been odd things that happen at Mass. See them here and here.




























.

OFFICIAL REPORT OF A BIRD STRIKE

THIS IS AN OFFICIAL REPORT OF A BIRD STRIKE

APPROXIMATELY 1845 ON OCTOBER 27 2006

SOUTHBOUND ON JOE WILSON ROAD SOUTH OF COUNTY LINE ROAD IN CEDAR HILL TEXAS USA

WEATHER PARTLY CLOUDY WITH VISBILITY CEILING OF 5 MILES AND 62 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT TEMPERATURE

VEHICLE SIXTY ONE PAPA ALSO KNOWN AS BIG BLUE MIRACLE 15 PASSENGER VAN WITH V-10 ENGINE

OWNER OPERATED

THREE PASSENGERS ON BOARD. ALL PASSENGERS WERE WEARING SAFETY RESTRAINTS

SPEED 35 MILES PER HOUR

DRIVER NOTED BIRD DIVING AT WINDOW AND PULLING UP AT APPROXIMATELY 2 FEET FROM FRONT WINDSHIELD

BIRD WAS NOT IDENTIFIED

NO EVASIVE ACTION TAKEN DUE TO TRAFFIC FLOW AND CLOSE PROXIMITY OF BIRD

DRIVER INDICATES THAT BIRD STRUCK WINDSHIELD LIGHTLY AND FLEW OUT OF SIGHT

NO APPARENT HARM TO BIRD

NO LOSS OF CONTROL OF VEHICLE

UPON COMPLETION OF MISSION NOTED NO DAMAGE TO VEHICLE

THIS REPORT HAS BEEN GENERATED AS A SAFETY MESSAGE TO ALL WHO MAY BE DRIVING VANS

THIS IS THE SECOND BIRD STRIKE FOR THE BIG BLUE MIRACLE

THERE WERE 5 REPORTED BIRD STRIKES WITH THE VAN GREAT WHITE

WE WILL CONTINUE MONITORING THESE INCIDENTS

DAD WITH NOISY KIDS

NO TRICK OR TREATING HERE

There will be no 'trick or treat' at our house on 'Halloween.'

We no longer participate in Halloween for various reasons. I say participate because it is no longer a celebration of anything. What I think it has become is something far more sinister.

When I was a little boy, Halloween was a day to dress up in some kind of costume, go out into the neighborhood, and collect a lot of candy. The costumes were amateur, being thrown together at the last minute. This is how it was, and in time I grew to be too mature to dress up and say 'trick or treat' at the neighborhood houses. The late comedian Erma Bombeck had made a list of criteria for when you are too old to trick or treat, and I had satified the majority of them. God bless her, and may God have mercy on her soul.

Then in the nineties, I started taking my own kids out on Halloween. Things had changed, as a lot of the 'hero' costumes seemed to have been replaced by evil creatures for the boys, and scandalous women outfits for the girls. I should have had some idea of the change, as I recall a sermon I heard when I was twenty; one of those sermons where the priest asks for audience participation:

Father: "What did you dress up as for Halloween?"
Girl: "A nurse."
Boy #1: "A fireman."
Boy #2: "A melting face."

I don't think Father ever polled the congegration again.

Anyways, Halloween became less of a 'so what are you, young man?' to a long line of corpses, ghosts, devils, and other assorted sinister creatures streaming past our front door. And we would take our children out among this.

Trick or treating ended the year I took four or five of the oldest children out, only to have them freeze at a front step of a neighbor's house because the person who answered the door was dressed as a devil. When we turned to leave(without candy) we saw more evil creatures coming up the sidewalk behind us. The noisykids panicked, grabbing my legs, and started screaming. I swore I would never go out trick or treating again.

While we still live in a neighborhood, we tried to be good neighbors and continued to hand out candy. Even that got to be too much, as the ghoulish things that came to our door were getting worse every year. A lot o our neighbors really went overboard, with morbid displays of cemeteries, gravestones, and other symbols of death littering the front yard. Some even had soundtracks that included such noises as moans, groans, and screams.

I got the impression that Halloween has become a way to pre-condition people to what hell must be like. Why else would death, or better yet, a culture of death, be promoted so strongly? I get the impression that after living in such a culture of death, hell would be just another step along the journey. And that leads to the final reason we do not participate in Halloween festivities.

We are Catholic, and we are here to celebrate the culture of life. On November 1, we celebrate the Feast of All Saints. That is a tremendous holiday; it is even a holy day of obligation. On that day we thank God for the gift of His love and graces poured out upon the world, and in particular we celebrate the lives of the men and women who said 'yes' to God and served Him on earth. The closest we get to the dead is on November 2, when we pray for the repose of the souls of the faithful departed. This is not some morbid activity, but rather an act of love for those in Purgatory who may benefit from our prayers. It is also an act of hope, since we pray for the dead knowing that thay can do the same for us when they reach heaven, and knowing that those we leave behind will pray for us after we are dead.






There is one thing associated with this time of year that is good. Here is a picture of it:



An orange-colored snowball. A snowball is a coconut-covered layer of marshmallow, surrounding a chocolate cake with a creamy center. Totally organic and nutritious. You can almost taste it, just brimming with goodness!

They make GREEN ones around St. Patrick's Day!

If you do show up at this blog to trick or treat, we will remember you when we pray our daily Rosary.

New Uses for Oto-Ophthalmoscope

Oops.

This should have been posted there, instead.

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea big huge gigantic culpa.

History ostendo , identidem , quam vis cuspis sicco humanus insania.

Check Out What's Now Hot in the Gift Shop:

New gum sold exclusively at the recently renovated Gift Shop:

CHICLETS OF DIVINE MERCY

For those who need a quick burst of Mercy but don't have the time for the whole Chaplet of Divine Mercy.

Not strictly for sale, but these can be had for a donation to the Gift Shop Expansion Fund.

Chiclets! Of Divine Mercy.

Only one color - Royal Purple.

TRY THEM TODAY!

Check out our other item.

Please Disinfect Your Browser After Visiting Today

We are currently experiencing a virus which appears to be the common cold kind of virus. To confirm this, we took one of the hedgehogs into the Scanning Electron Microscope(SEM). For those of you who are not technically savvy, an electron microscope allows scientists to see things the uneducated cannot see. Electrons are used, too.

Please excuse the poor quality of the picture.




What we see closest to the nose of this hedgehog is the common rhinovirus which we often see with the common cold.

The things that look like hippopotamussesses are believed to be benign hipaa viruses which are responsible for ensuring the privacy of viruses.

The thing to the left is either a long chain of DNA(DeoxyriboNucleic Acid) or a Rosariovirus, which is a highly contagious conduit of grace.

Some viruses are brutally cannabilistic, as we see in this other scan from the same hedgehog:

It appears to be a triceratopsovirus, a canisvirus, and a snoopiovirus eating an ursavirus on a tiled floor. Thanks to my five year old noisykid for noticing this.

Historical Picture of Scorpion Stalking Duck

Here is a picture of the Scorpion Stalking the Duck. This is an actual photograph I took one day in San Antonio.

The whole incident was so disturbing, that I never forgot it, and the phrase was all I could think of when looking for a name for this blog.



One day, if I find all the pictures, I will put together the series of photographs. This photo was copied from a lecture I gave several years ago.


Here is a picture of a smaller scorpion on the outside wall of our old house in San Antonio:





About 1.5 inch body. One day this one will grow up to stalk ducks, too.

If I had a Mercedes Benz....

It would be the earth green colored one.

A Joke...

...which answers a question someone posed on my blog comments.

Sherlock Holmes and Watson were traveling by train across the English
countryside. As they passed a field of grazing sheep, Watson remarked,
"there must be thousands of sheep there!"

Holmes replied, "there are exactly three thousand, four hundred and
seventeen sheep."

Watson looked upon Holmes with skepticism. "How did you come up with that
number? Did you count each sheep, one by one?"

"Of course not, my dear Watson. I simply counted all their legs and divided
the number I got by four."

Some of the quotation marks may come out goofy-looking when I send this via
e-mail, but the answer to the question lies in the joke. It will require
the person who asked the question to do a little work to get the answer.

Garage Door Blues

Enjoy the view we have of the cows on the property next to us.











I was hoping to do another installment of weird occurences that I have experienced, complete with more pictures of the pink pig, but something came up - literally.

One of the noisykids decided to hitch a ride on the garage door as the automatic door opener activated. No harm to him, but he knocked it off the track. I spent a bit of time with the four oldest boy noisykids putting the garage door back on track. The whole time I prayed my fingers would remain on my hands.

The perpetrator was contrite, sort of, as he grinned at me as he apologized.


Earlier that day.....

As I left work, I ran into a colleague of mine, who gleefully showed me something he had bought. To me, it looked like a flashlight on his keychain, only it had 'panic' written on in red letters.

"You bought a panic button?" I asked.

"No, I bought a Mercedes Benz!"

Only then did I realize the thing had the familiar symbol associated with Mercedes Benz automobiles.

"I know you must think it's sinful to buy a nice car like that," he said.

"Well, I know I would never do it. The cost of that car could put a kid through college." You can tell where my thoughts have been lately.

As I rode the elevator down to the lobby, I reflected briefly on the idea of having a car like that. It would be nice. But I also knew my colleague was single. He did not have a wonderful wife and children to come home to; no one would ever pull his garage door off the track. I thought it then, and I still say it, as I scrub grease off my hands and tend to the scratches all over my forearms: I would rather have my wife and children than any nice car.





Even a Lamborghini.

Scorpion-Hedgehog controversy heats up - literally

I had to send this via my cell phone PDA because someone is using the computer to Christmas shop.

Dear Readers:

Below are two notes sent to me by the parties involved in last week's scuffle during evening prayers:

Dear Mr. Dadwithnoisykids:

We scorpions are intellectuals, and while reading poetry to the noisykids to lullabize them to sleep, we discovered this note, which reflects the true opinion of hedgehogs through the ages:

You spotted snakes with double tongue,
Thorny hedge-hogs, be not seen;
Newts, and blind-worms, do no wrong;
Come not near our fairy queen.

From Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream

It is obvious hedgehogs have always been nuisances.

Your friend,

Mr. Scorpion

Mr. Hedgehog replies:

Dear Mr. Dadwithnoisykids:
Thank you for the opportunity to reply to Mr. Scorpion's letter. I am pleased to see that Mr. Scorpion has found my favorite reference to hedgehogs in one of my favorite Shakespeare comedies. What amazes me more is that Mr. Scorpion can read.

Here are two famous quotes regarding hedgehogs which indicate the esteem that we hedgehogs receive:

The fox knows many things - the hedgehog one big one.

From Archilochus

and....

Sir Isaiah Berlin's commentary on Archilochus:

There exists a great chasm between those, on the one side, who relate everything to a single central vision...and, on the other side, those who pursue many ends, often unrelated and even contradictory...the first kind of intellectual and artistic personality belongs to the hedgehogs, the second to the foxes.

Intellectual and artistic personality are synonymous with hedgehog.

With warmest regards,

Mr. Hedgehog

A Prayer of Ingratitude

Thank you Lord for this bountiful rainfall.
But did it have to happen today?
For months your blazing sun dried us out.
Until the hour I wanted to play.

Thank you Lord for these wonderful children
If only they'd all be quiet.
I need time to think, to grow, to learn
In a household that sounds like a riot.

Thank you Lord for the multiple gifts
That you bless me with each day
If only I would take them and use them
Rather than pushing them all away.

Habemus Nuevo Tractor

I forgot I promised someone a picture of the new acquisition over the weekend. Steel, 18 hp, shaft drive, 42-in. deck, low hours, only used by an atheist to cut grass on Sundays:)

The Big Blue and the Aardvark are in the background.

It was Mother Theresa who said it, then her words were changed for a good cause, but the quote was originally,




"How can you say there are too many tractors?
That is like saying there are too many flowers!"


This quote is much more famous:


"How can you say there are too many children?
That is like saying there are too many flowers!"

Is this humorous or inspirational?

It all depends on whether you are behind the wheel or in front of it.

Another entry for the contest put on by the Lapped Catholic...if Roman Sacristan consents.

Our FIRST Family Photograph for the Blog

I said I would never do it, but here it is, a picture of my family. As you can tell in the picture, I am beaming with pride.







Can you find the ingrown toenail in the picture?

Motivational Entry #1 - Inspirational

The Roman Sacristan tapped me to make a motivational poster for a contest The Lapped Catholic is having. Here is the first entry:




"Every day, without fail, I shall pray for the Pope, my bishop, my parishioners, my parents, and for my fidelity to my vocation."

Mrs. Dadwithnoisykids came up with some better ones....stay tuned!

More Evidence of a Conspiracy of Conspirators

This is a conspiracy of Conspiratorial Conspirators.

This is the Crest of Pope Benedict XVI.

Note the character in the upper left of the shield. This is known as the Moor, which has some significance to the Pope because of his former position as a bishop in Germany.








But some see it as a hidden symbol of this character instead:






The similarities are uncanny. Just take away the crown and earring.










If you flip the picture around to look at the crest, it becomes even more obvious that it is not the Moor, but rather the Hedgehog, that is represented in the Pope's crest.

























More evidence of the Conspiracy noted before, and the recent confrontations during evening prayers. The evidence shown here would suggest that the hedgehog is not just a pious little creature, but rather a cog in the wheels of the vast right-wing/drumstick/thigh conspiracy.

THE NOISYKID IS ALL RIGHT

Thank you for your concern. The boy noisykid is all right. We thought he had appendicitis, but he did not. We have a very low threshold for suspecting appendicitis, since two of my girl noisykids have had appendectomies in the last year. I wanted someone else to look at him. Thanks for your prayers.

SCORPION VIOLENT REACTION TO BREVIARY

Religious Intolerance Cuts Both Ways?

Violence erupted earlier this week in North Texas after a hedgehog was overheard reading from a Catholic breviary, or holy book of prayers. Apparently, a scorpion took offense to one of the Bible readings that are part of the Divine Office. The Divine Office is the group of prayers said daily by priests as part of their religious vows. While Catholics who are not priests or nuns - referred to as 'lay' persons in the Church hierarchy - are not required to read the Divine Office, many choose to do so as part of their personal prayer.





A Mr. Hedgehog was reading prayers aloud when a passing scorpion took offense.








Mr. Hedgehog - file photo.




"I was reading evening prayers, and read from the Gospel of Luke, Chapter 10, Verse 19, which starts with,

'Behold, I have given you authority to tread upon serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy; and nothing shall hurt you.'

"The next thing I know, some scorpion is trying to sting me and push me off the book. I will have you know that we hedgehogs do not take too kindly to such behavior, and thankfully my prickles protected me from his stinger."

Violence spread as more scorpions heard of the species intolerance read aloud by the hedgehog.



"If it were a duck, or a hedgehog that Luke had written about, I assure you the words would have been changed to keep from exhibiting xenophobic tendencies," said Mr. Scorpion, a spokesman for the Scorpion And Insects of North Texas(SAINT) office. "We have studied the gospels, and have found them to be a literary work resplendent with the glorious interaction of God and Scorpion. Jesus even mentions in one of the gospels how it is far more desirable to receive a gift scorpion instead of a raw egg."











Mr. Scorpion - file photo.



"Mr. Scorpion is right," said a department chairman of a theology department of a Catholic University where the one-act play, The Elbow Soliloquies, has been playing to packed audiences for the past several years. "Luke is so passe. We need to get rid of this outdated concept of good and evil. We need to live and let live. Like so much else in the church, its teachings are old-fashioned, especially as we are growing in our understanding of the universe. Scorpions are good creatures; they are much more in tune with the environment and the natural rhythm of the earth than we are.

"We all could become fully and better human beings if we channeled our inner scorpion," said this famous theologian.

Meanwhile in North Texas, a group of scorpions vandalized the gift shop, overturning the basin that collects the water that some believe is miraculously flowing from a 15-passenger van owned by a Mr. Dadwithnoisykids. The curator of the gift shop, one Mr. Moose, was astonished by this turn of events. “We had just gotten a new shipment of the Roman Sacristan Game, T-Shirts, and the Roman Sacristan Monopoly Game, and a new soft drink, Roman Up! Now it is all ruined.”


“I don’t know how I am going to pay for this mess,” he said.















Mr. Moose - file photo.










Late this evening, there was another confrontation between Mr. Hedgehog and several scorpions. The scorpions tried to break up evening prayers by shouting down the lone hedgehog.









Several other animals came to the aid of the hedgehog, and there was a heated exchange between the two groups.











Violence was barely avoided as the scorpions, a duck, a crab, and a moose faced each other.





Fortunately, violence did not break out, and the prayers continued. The scorpions dispersed after joining claws and singing 'Give Peas a Chance."







"Give Peas a Chance!"








“We had an exchange of real words, which I see as the beginning of a dialogue regarding this touchy subject of scorpions and their role in the world,” Mr. Hedgehog said afterwards, “It gives me hope that we can reach a peaceful understanding of our differences, and grow in greater love for God and for truth.”







Mr. Hedgehog discusses the issues with our reporter.








“If he weren’t covered with prickles, he would look like a pin cushion right now,” was the only comment from the scorpions.

As further developments become known, we will keep you informed.

No matter what your work, remember to always do it with a smile.

I took this picture in June, 1988, on Kelly Air Force Base, in San Antonio, Texas. I was standing on the rental car's roof to keep the fence out ot the photo. This probably would not have been tolerated nowadays, but back then no one minded. Also, we were Second Lieutenants, the most irresponsible and immature of all officers, and were known to do silly things.

A few minutes later, one of these C-5 transports took off, and we positioned our car underneath the flight path to experience the takeoff of one of these monsters.

Years later, I would take the Noisykids down to the same base, park by the end of the runway, and watch the C-5's do 'touch and go' practices for hours. The noise restrictions are not as strict for military aircraft as they are for commercial aircraft.

Some flight surgeons I know told me that these 'touch and go' missions were the only way some would get their required hours of flight. They said it was awful, with the cabin dark - there are few windows in the top part of the aircraft - sitting backwards, with no air conditioning, and low altitude flying. Pass me an air sickness bag.

The aircraft seemed to like it, as you can see the first one in line is smiling.

Noisykid Grafitti

I had to take one of the noisykids to the emergency room last night, and I was amazed to see this picture the next morning. They are adding on to the hospital, and put pictures of children on the wall surrounding the construction site. Someone changed this picture with some spray paint.

'281' Your Life

Interstate 35

There are two ways to drive from Dallas to San Antonio, Texas. One is to drive down Interstate 35, passing through the state capital and several other cities on a road, which has two lanes for most of the trip. The speed limit varies from 60 to 70 miles per hour, but in reality, one goes as fast as possible in the left lane, while slower traffic crawls along in the right. The on ramps are notoriously short, so the unsuspecting (more likely uncaring) driver entering the freeway has little room to accelerate and merge with the stream of trucks and cars.

Delays due to accidents are inevitable, especially around Austin. A resident I know who used to be a policeman in Austin told me that there is a one-mile stretch of I-35 with more fatalities per mile than any other road in the United States. They referred to it as the 'valley of death.' Traffic is also unexplainably slow at both the south and north sides of the capital city.

The road itself runs over the rolling hills that represent the remnants of the Hill Country to the West. This makes cruise control more of a nuisance than a help, as our car would not accelerate in anticipation of the climb ahead.

In addition, this two hundred and fifty mile stretch of highway used to come at the end of a twelve or sixteen hundred mile drive from visiting family and friends in the Northeastern United States. After a week or two away from home, and coming at the end of the second day of driving, I would have to be more cautious and vigilant than I had been for the previous miles. I dreaded this part of the trip the most.


US 281

Contrast the above experience with that of US 281. US 281 cuts through the heart of San Antonio, climbing out of the northern suburbs and straight through the Hill Country, passing West of Fort Worth. On the open road, the speed limit is 70 mph, and one has to slow down to as low as 30 while passing through scenic towns and villages. The road is one lane going each way, but the shoulder of the road is wide and paved, and folks move to the side for faster traffic. Where the road climbs a long hill, there is an extra lane for slow traffic.

The scenery, when you crest the top of these hills, is beautiful. One can see for miles in every direction, with a long ribbon of highway stretching out in the distance. The sensation of being on top of the visible world is heightened by the presence of low-hanging clouds, and occasional mist in the early morning hours. Most of all, you can safely take your eyes off the road to appreciate the beauty of the Texas Hill Country.

In life, we often have a choice of how we want to live our lives. With age and experience, I find more often, that I am trying to '281' my life; to look for the more enjoyable or pleasant way of life. This is not say that I am becoming lazy or soft, but when given the option, I would rather spend time enjoying the ride as opposed to dreading it. No matter what way I drive to get there, or choose to live my life, I still have to make it to Dallas, and eventually come to the end of my own life.

Statue

Over the weekend I repaired this statue:






Our Lady of the Mysterious Decapitation.



















I call it mysterious because those who were near her when it happened could not explain how she lost her head.

She has been through a lot. She joined us in Michigan, and weathered more abuse than I can imagine. She bore the effects of children's hugs, and occasionally their playful tackles.

She stood tall as legions of Jehovah's Witnesses were turned away at the sight of her. Well, most of them. I had to ask a few of them if they knew who the beautiful Lady in the front yard was. They eventually got the picture.

She survived a move to Texas, courtesy of the U.S. Air Force, and stood in the blazing South Texas sun for years. She single-handedly overcame the machinations of a totalitarian neighborhood association determined to enforce a policy of uniformity and atheism.

She moved once again, into the countryside, where the scorpions played and stalked ducks in her shadow. Then she moved up here to North Texas and got her head lopped off.

Just a bit of concrete sealant, and the job was done. I might make a platform for her to stand on out of the leftover bricks.













Ave Maria!













My five year old demonstrated a new mode of reverence by doing somersaults down the whole pew during the consecration. When I corrected him, he tried to go back by doing backward somersaults.

A Vast Right-Wing/Drumstick/Thigh Conspiracy

My wife just got home from shopping, and she got some fried chicken from a local place, and they make good chicken. Something struck me about the name, though, and so I went to work on some pictures I have of Pope Benedict XVI. Something seemed suspicious.



Within a few seconds, it hit me like a blow to the belly. It was obviously a vast radical Catholic conspiracy to control the world. Let me present the evidence.

This picture shows the name of the chicken store, Popeye’s. For most of us, Popeye is a cartoon character, a sailor, who is very muscular and gets a boost of strength from eating spinach whenever a crisis arises. He has a long-term relationship with a very skinny girlfriend, and there is a baby involved, although it is not clear whose child it is. But I digress.

Concentrate on the word Popeye’s. Note how the name could be broken into two words: POPE YES. The letters even turn a bit between the ‘e’ and the ‘y,’ making it even more believable.



This is not certain proof, but does corroborate with a picture of Pope Benedict XVI taken immediately after his election to the Papacy. Two things struck us as odd about this picture. Pay close attention to the area around the Pope’s right ear, and the coat of arms on the left side of the Pope’s alb.





Beyond his right ear, we did some technological modifications that are too complex for you common folk to understand, and by removing the darkness and adding in light, we came up with this interesting sight:



It appears that the Pope was using ‘Pope Yes’ brand ketchup or honey right before greeting the people in St. Peter’s Square on that fateful day.



Now direct your attention to the alb. By making the photograph bigger, and the area of concentration smaller, we noticed a certain pattern in the threads that make up the alb in this area.





This appears to be the President of the United States along with his wife. Need I say more? By controlling the fried chicken consumption in the United States, and who knows where else, the Church can influence the outcome of the Electoral College in the upcoming 2006 elections. The logic of this is flawless, and must be broadcast to the world.



You have been warned.