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Saturday, August 19, 2006

I am Scared of Muppets

Yesterday, I was in a hospital visiting someone, when I saw a young woman, a nurse, walking around with a muppet-type doll on her right hand. In her left hand she had little sticks for moving the limbs of the muppet.

She walked around and started conversations with children in the hall. She changed her voice to a high pitch whenever she spoke for the muppet. I was at the far end of the hall, and could tell she was making her way toward me. I broke into a sweat. I searched for a door to disappear into. How long could I hide in the bathroom before she would be gone? Too risky.

A quick look showed me a door to a stairwell by my left hand, so I opened it and went down two flights of stairs. Before entering the new floor, I stopped and listened. I could still hear her squeaky voice faintly up the stairwell. I am outta here, I thought. The door opened with a little resistance, and I fell out into the hot Texas sun. I was around the back of the hospital, and the fire door closed firmly behind me.

By the time I walked around the hospital to the front entrance, I was a bit hot and sweaty. Temperatures have been in the triple digits lately, so I felt a little parched. I made my way the cafeteria, where I treated myself to what I used to call 'bug juice' in college: a lot of ice, water, sugar, and food coloring. As I collected my change from the cashier, I turned and there she was again. The lady with the muppet. I would swear that muppet was watching me, even though the lady was looking away from me. The perspiration covering me suddenly turned ice cold, and I could feel fear in the pit of my stomach. All thoughts of thirst and heat were superseded by the desire to flee. I felt faint, nauseated; but those feelings were nothing compared to the thought that if I fainted right now, I might wake up to see that muppet standing over me.

I stumbled backwards, pushing my way through the people in the line, and left the cafeteria by way of the entrance. I knew I was late for my meeting with the volunteer department, where we would be studying new techniques in distraction therapy for children who are hospital patients.


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Our Lady of the Mysterious Decapitation

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Mary my mother, take my hand today, and all days.
Lead me away from all occasions of sin.
Guide me in fulfilling your last words in the Gospel,
"Do whatever He tells you."

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