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Friday, May 18, 2007

Patroness of BAD POETRY Section

Introducing: Amanda!

Amanda McKittrick Ross is considered to be one of the worse authors of all time. After reading some of the excerpts of her work I think you will agree – that she is a good role model for my own bad poetry:

“She who might have swayed society's circle
with the sceptre of nobleness - she who might
still have shared in the greatness of her
position and defied the crooked stream of
poverty in which she so long sailed ....”

- from Irene Iddesleigh

I discovered her accidentally, while looking up something on Wikipedia. Somehow, I ended up on the C.S. Lewis page, which led me to the Inklings page. The Inklings were a group of authors, among them Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien, who got together to discuss various subjects and reading samples of literature to the group.

“Life is too often stripped of its pleasantness
by the steps of false assumption, marring
the true path of life-long happiness,
which should be pebbled with
principle, piety, purity and peace.”
- from Irene Iddesleigh

The Inklings was more than a bunch of serious intellectuals. They had games such as a contest to see who could read the poetry of Amanda McKittrick Ross longest without laughing.
THAT is when I had to go look up this very interesting woman.

After her first book, Irene Iddesleigh, was mercilessly reviewed by one Barry Pain, her popularity grew as one of the worst writers of all time. To quote the Wikipedion:

“…thanks to Pain and others she became the fad of the moment for the London literary crew, who threw Amanda McKittrick Ros parties at which they would take it in turns to recite favourite passages.”
A Poet and you didn't even know it:

“Readers, did you ever hear
Of Mickey Monkeyface McBlear?
His snout is long with a flattish top,
Lined inside with a slimy crop:
His mouth like a slit in a money box,
Portrays his kindred to a fox.”
This sounds somewhat Seussian.

In her unfinished book, Helen Huddleston, she named a lot of characters after fruit: Lord Raspberry, Sir Peter Plum, the Earl of Grape and Sir Christopher Currant, and Lily Lentil.

Holy Moses! Have a look!
Flesh decayed in every nook!
Some rare bits of brain lie here,
Mortal loads of beef and beer,
Some of whom are turned to dust,
Every one bids lost to lust;
Royal flesh so tinged with 'blue'
Undergoes the same as you.

- from On Visiting Westminster Abbey

She had a lot of anger issues, with lawyers and literary critics taking the brunt of her emnity. She claimed that her name would be remembered long after her critics are forgotten. This seems to be the case, although it is because of those critics that we remember her as one of the worst writers of all time, and I take her as my honorary patroness and inspiration for the section of my blog known as BAD POETRY.

"Speak! Irene! Wife! Woman!
Do not sit in silence and allow
the blood that now boils in my
veins to ooze through cavities
of unrestrained passion and
trickle down to drench me
with its crimson hue!"
- from Irene Iddesleigh

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Our Lady of the Mysterious Decapitation

Our Lady of the Mysterious Decapitation
Now restored with the help of some cement!

Prayer to Our Lady of the Mysterious Decapitation

Mary my mother, take my hand today, and all days.
Lead me away from all occasions of sin.
Guide me in fulfilling your last words in the Gospel,
"Do whatever He tells you."

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