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Monday, December 11, 2006


Saturday night, while the world slept and I was making the world better for children, my wife was engaged in her secret pastime: Orthodontistry.

An orthodontist is a dentist who specializes in straightening teeth. For those of you who have seen my dazzling smile, you know that I have never seen one professionally.

The anatomy and physiology involved in the practice of orthodontics is rather complex, but I will try to explain the basics:

1. A series of devices are attached to the teeth by means of some sort of superglue - recall the advertisements with the man's helmet glued to a 2 x 4.
2. Very strong wire is then connected to the devices in such a manner that pressure is exerted, and over the course of months of therapy, money is withdrawn from my checking account until either the teeth are straight or the money is all gone.
3. After the final payment, the wires and devices all fall off, revealing a set of straight, shiny teeth.

Late on Saturday night, one of the devices fell off and the wire started cutting into the inside of my oldest daughter Noisykid's mouth.

Wifeofdadwithnoisykids swung into action. After consulting the instruction manual (How to make the MOST out of your braces) and trying wax, she had to take drastic measures. She would have to cut the wire.

Searching the tool cabinets resulted in one pair of wire clippers that looked as if they had been used for turning compost. Wifeofdadwithnoisykids had to make a midnight run to the local 24/7 hardware store to get the tiniest wire clippers that would fit into the mouth of Miss Noisykid. After buying three different types of pliers, she found the perfect clippers. Within minutes of arriving home, the wire was cut and the crisis was over.

By this time, the eastern sky was beginning to lighten up. As she slid into bed, she heard the noise of the front door open as I came in from work. It was 6:15 a.m.

"How was your night, dear?"

"Oh it was just awful, wifeofdadwithnoisykids, just awful. I am tired and want to go to bed."

"Yes, dear."

"And honey, tell the Noisykids to keep the noise down. After being up all night, I need some rest. Someday you should see what it's like to be up all night."

"Yes, dear."

Of course this dialogue was made up....except the part about me being self-centered could have happened.

I will be backing off on blogging while I compose the Family newsletter, which may or may not show up on this blog.

Now, how about a bit of something to watch:

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Our Lady of the Mysterious Decapitation

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Prayer to Our Lady of the Mysterious Decapitation

Mary my mother, take my hand today, and all days.
Lead me away from all occasions of sin.
Guide me in fulfilling your last words in the Gospel,
"Do whatever He tells you."

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