Even in the midst of sorrow, the sun still shines, my living children play and make me laugh, and Pope Benedict XVI comes to the United States.
We put this quote on some of the holy cards we made for Theodore's funeral:
“If God gives you an abundant harvest of trials, it is a sign of the great holiness to which He desires you to attain.
Do you want to become a great saint?
Ask God to send you many sufferings. The flame of divine love never rises higher than when fed with the wood of the cross, which the infinite charity of the Savior uses to finish His sacrifice.
All the pleasures of the world are nothing compared with the sweetness found in the gall and vinegar offered to Jesus Christ; that is, hard and painful things endured for Jesus Christ and with Jesus Christ.”
- from the Maxims of St. Ignatius of Loyola
I didn't ask for this suffering, but I thank God for it, because right HERE is where He wants me to be.
My thoughts alternate between a bittersweet exhilaration of knowing that only God could sustain us through this time of sorrow - actually He sustains us all time time anyways - and feelings of such sadness for the loss of Theodore.
I even wrote some 'Bad Poetry' about it, but I can't find it on my desk.
I updated my Curriculum Vitae the other day, and had to change the number of children from twelve to eleven.
Work is hard, because as an anesthesiologist, I render patients unconscious and then wake them up again. In the extreme, that is what I tried to do with Theodore. People at work have been very nice. One of my co-workers mentioned that what I am experiencing will help me appreciate what the parents of my patients are going through. I can only hope.
People have put condolence cards in my briefcase(some call it a 'man purse') while I am not in my room.