In brief:
1. Mass.
2. Eucharistic Procession around the property - kept Wifeofdadwithnoisykids inside to keep cool. I kept my cool until we came into church for Benediction. Then the tears started to flow, thinking about how one of ours is gone.
It hurts to stop counting heads at eleven. There should be twelve.
My tears doubled with the thought that Theodore is happier, far more happy, where he is now than he could ever be on earth with us.
Thinking that no matter how many times I failed my son, he loves me and wants me to be with him in Heaven.
I am no longer self-conscious about crying in public. Maybe because I don't have to worry about makeup running down my face?
Every day brings a new cross and some new consolation to us - somehow associated with Theodore's life and death.
3. After the procession, I cooked steaks for the adults and 'tube steaks' for the Noisykids. While I enjoyed the breeze that tempered the 90+ degree heat and humidity, I noticed some folks looking over the air conditioners. It turns out there was no air conditioning in the building. I was cooler standing over a hot grill than sitting in the cafeteria.
4. On the way home, we stopped by Theodore's grave site. The flowers placed there a week ago were dead, and someone had left a toy airplane on the new sod. We talked about gravestones and benches, and cried a little. The rest of the Noisykids spread over the cemetery, looking at other graves. We sprinkled holy water on some graves. There is a story that the holy water will ease the suffering of the poor souls in Purgatory.
5. Wifeofdadwithnoisykids did not feel too good. Morning sickness with her is an all day affair, and she is the only person I know who rejoices with every little tinge of nausea that accompanies pregnancy. I am amazed that she would willingly go through so much suffering just to bring another Noisykid into existence, and humbled to think that she picked me to be the father of her children.
6. I wrote a bad poem about Theodore a while ago:
Asperges
Just seeing the font
brought tears to my eyes
knowing there was no
large little child there,
the end of the pew,
waiting to dip hand
into the Water
meant for Asperges.
SMD
5.25.2008
7. Fifteen dollars in my pocket is burning a hole in it. This is money we placed in Theodore's folder, probably money from birthday cards. I still have to distribute the two dollar bills my grandparents would send to my children. Theodore had ten in his folder. I shall distribute them to his siblings. I even found two savings bonds which I shall have to cash in. Theodore never had any use for money, and now he needs it even less. While trying to think of something to do with the fifteen dollars, I was reminded of a line from A Canticle for Leibowitz(sort of reviewed HERE):
"That was the year of the unprecedented torrent of rain on the desert, causing seed long dry to burst into bloom....the year that the monks of the Albertian Order of Leibowitz buried an abbot and bowed to a new one. There were bright hopes for tomorrow."
Our house is a domestic church, and Theodore is the first member of the family to die after walking on this earth. As the temporal head of this church, I have to see to the distribution of Theodore's possessions, beginning with his body and ending with his death certificate. Fifteen dollars is just a small thing to dispose of.
Our own torrent of rain and a few weeks without mowing have given us a lawn full of little yellow flowers which open in the morning, follow the trajectory of the sun, and close as the sun sets.
No comments:
Post a Comment