Wifeofdadwithnoisykids has had some bleeding for the past few weeks, and noticed some other signs that suggested that the pregnancy was not going well. I noticed it as well, but I kept reassuring her that 'maybe this time she doesn't have to spend the first trimester throwing up.'
She made an appointment to see the obstetrician yesterday, and I was blessed to get done with work in time to go with her. So I was with Wifeofdadwithnoisykids when the ultrasound technician told her that she could not see any heartbeat.
It is hard to understand the Will of God right now. We keep repeating the prayer that ends the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, especially the part about God's Will being 'Love and Mercy Itself.' There are many things I have read that show me how tremendous and wonderful God’s Mercy is – like the Carmelite Sisters of Compeigne singing as they climb the scaffold and approach the guillotine. But I am not as docile and obedient a servant as they were, and the slightest cross chafes me.
In the meantime, we have named our little child Therese Mary Catherine. Therese in honor of the Little Flower, Mary in honor of the Blessed Mother, and Catherine after St. Catherine of Siena. My beloved wife was due on St. Catherine’s Feast Day, April 29. In addition, St. Catherine was one of the youngest of a large family – 25 children total – so we feel a great love for her not only as a Saint but also as a child who only came into being through the generosity of God and her parents.
Each child is precious to us, even one who only exists for seven weeks. While our living children are a source of consolation for us, they are also a reminder that there will be one less child seated at our table, one less voice calling in the middle of the night, one less hug and kiss throughout the day, and one less child growing into adulthood and ultimately Heaven.
The title of this blog comes from a beautiful song by Marie Bellet, called Thy Will Be Done, which she wrote after having a miscarriage.