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Friday, October 12, 2007

Embracing the Cross

The past two weeks have just increased the love and admiration I have for my wife.

When I consider that Wifeofdadwithnoisykids, by fulfilling her vocation to the married life, opens her heart to more than just joy and happiness, I am awed that she has the strength to continue to live a life full of charity. Nothing shows that more than the way she has responded to the loss of our little unborn child, Therese.

I have tried to write a post to describe the events of the past few weeks, and my wife and I have struggled to understand why God would permit a family which is open to life to lose a child. We have no answers, but we do have some thoughts as to why this had to happen. Of course, whatever the reason does not make the sorrow any less.

My own personal theory is that in our present world, God has willed that someone must mourn the death of an unborn child. For the past 30+ years abortion has been legal, and the culture of death has been explaining away all the unborn dead as ‘tissue,’ or a subject of ‘choice.’ The last thing the culture of death wants is to put a human face on the aborted dead. Our unsolicited role in God’s plan in this instance was to be mourning the loss of a child who died in the womb at seven weeks. Not only did we put a face on our child, but we also put a name on her.

Without going into details, Wifeofdadwithnoisykids ended up needing a D&C in the middle of the night. A surgical team was called in for this emergency, and the procedure was over quickly. When she awoke from the anesthetic, my wife spoke to her obstetrician about how much she had wanted this child. Through her tears, she told how we had named this child, how we wanted this child, and how it hurt so much to know that she was gone.

After the obstetrician left, the recovery room nurse started telling my wife that there was no baby there, that there was no child in the womb. It was nothing. Wifeofdadwithnoisykids started disagreeing with her, stating that there was a baby in the womb, only that this baby was dead, and that the baby was named Therese. At this point the nurse got within inches of my wife’s face and told her to be quiet so she could finish her paperwork.

“Close your eyes and just be quiet. Don’t say another word,” she said.

She obviously didn’t want to hear what my wife was saying, as she immediately started talking to another person in the recovery room.

My wife lay there silently praying.

My take on this is that the nurse probably had a past experience with abortion causing her to react like this. Either she had participated in abortions or had had one herself in the past, and to hear my wife mourning the loss of an unborn child was more than she could take.

But where else will this woman hear someone refer to an unborn baby as a human being? Perhaps our presence was a pricking of her conscience which has been living a lie for so many years. Perhaps this was a means for God to call her to repentance. Perhaps this little incident in the middle of the night will lead her back to the road to repentance. I don’t know, but in some way God is bringing good out of this time in our life.


Matt Doyle said...

Thank you that is beautiful.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry for your loss of little Theresa. I have never experienced the loss of a baby but I think you may be correct in what you have written in this post regarding the miscarriage and also what was going on with the nurse.
A friend of mine had a miscarriage at 12 weeks but the baby likely had died around 10 weeks. She passed a very tiny embryo or baby if you will - the finger buds were there etc. They did NOT take the baby to the hospital because they figured they might not get him/her back. The baby received a proper burial and prayers from a good Catholic priest. My friend was understandably very, very upset. She has 4 children but lost a set of twins and at least one other baby. One thing I know is that her children who were old enough to understand what was going on and saw the baby will NEVER EVER be able to say that it's a piece of tissue or blood at 7 weeks, 10 weeks etc.
May God comfort your family.

Roman Sacristan said...

Amazing insight, amazing strength, and amazing faith.
As always you're in our prayers.

Mrs Jackie Parkes MJ said...

As i mentioned before my last loss was at 9 weeks & i needed like your wife emergency surgery. i nearly died on the operating table as my womb collapsed & the baby had implanted in the cervix..needless to say i was shocked to wake up in agonising pain in HDU..they needed to insert a balloon to support the womb for a few days..ah well you're a doctor so you can cope with a few details.
i'm sorry about the comments maded to your wife..with my 2 miscarriages the sense of loss & grief was almost unbearable..spiritually naturally since one will not meet the baby until the next life..but physically because the hormones drop drastically..which for me being prone always plunged me into a depression.
i'm sure you & your wife having the great faith you have will come through so much stronger & already one person is having to ponder on the sacredness of all human life..but we're so unbelievably blessed you & i 22 living children & a good few saints in heaven.
i'm reading about Zelie..Therese's mother..amazing woman that she was..burying 4 children..including her only 2 sons..such faith & example.
May your little Therese shower down blessings on you all & thankyou for sharing your experiences..

Bridget said...

Oh, I'm so sorry it ended in a D&C. Crud.

You must be right about the reasons for this suffering. And why else would wifeofdadwithnoisykids keep getting these weird nurses whenever she is in the hospital for something.

Your example is already so fruitful.

the Mom said...

We have had similar experiences with medical staff following the death of our children. After the most recent one, we were told that the supervising doctor had performed 3 abortions that morning, one at the same point of pregnancy. We were a mirror for her that day, showing her what her soul looked like. That is what your lovely wife was that tragic day, a mirror showing the nurse the truth of her actions/beliefs. Sometimes our losses are not about us, but about those we touch because of those losses.

We continue to hold your family in our prayers.

Tiny St Therese, pray for us.

Pilgrim said...

I have thought about the purpose of our suffering a lot. My husband used to say that there are no coincidences in this life and that all things happen for a reason.
I would agree and go one step further and say that God multi-tasks, using our sufferings for multiple purposes. It is His blessing that we get to see even one of these purposes. There are many more that go unseen by us but might even be of greater importance. I believe our sufferings are primarily for OUR OWN salvation and therefore are a direct gift to us from God.

momwats8 said...

Again I am soo sorry for your loss. It is excruciating - I have now had three in a row. To have to go through it at all and then deal with such rudeness and lack of compassion afterward is horrible. i am still praying for all of you. What an amazing example you both are.

Anonymous said...

We had a similar situation 6 years ago.

I woke up in the middle of the procedure, crying.

The nurses were quite astonished as they gently wiped my tears.

I had just experienced the end of a deep hope. I don't know what people expect mothers to do when that happens...

God bless. We're praying

antonia said...

Again, I am very sorry for your loss.

Adele said...

Oh your wife is very saintly.. as are you. I would have given that nurse a good tongue lashing!!! That is, if the Holy Spirit didn't convict me not too. I would have tried to be obedient in that case. So sorry for your loss. I think your explanation of why this has happened is a great one. I try when I am doing something for my youngest to say Jesus, this is for love of you and to make up for those who do not love their children, do not feed their children etc. God bless you and your sufferings on His behalf. How wonderful that little Therese is with Him.

Mac McLernon said...

Sorry for your loss. I'm praying for all of you

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Guide me in fulfilling your last words in the Gospel,
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