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Sunday, January 14, 2007

The [Redacted] Newsletter

Here is an abridged/redacted version of the newsletter. 'NK' is short for Noisykid. The number after 'NK' refers to the order of the child in the family. Color indicates gender.

The dadwithnoisykids Family Newsletter

It starts here with a poem I blogged here.

Some people say I have the potential to be the next Dr. Seuss.

Greetings from Texas! As I am writing this, NK-12, our youngest, is busy straightening out my desk. She believes that a cluttered desk is a sign of a weakness in character.

“If you are breathing you have to do school!” - Wifeofdadwithnoisykids

“I'm not breathing this day.” - NK-10

Christmas is a time for us to look back at all the blessings we have received, and to look forward to the year to come. Time for children to put up the decorations that laziness precludes me from doing. Time to organize records for the 2006 tax returns. Time to change the oil on the cars and renew subscriptions to magazines that I never read. A time to be born, a time to…but I digress. It is the Christmas season, and we wish you a Blessed Christmas and a Happy New Year. If that is all you want out of this newsletter, stop now and shred this paper.

“Go ahead and shred it. But then you will have your conscience eating away at you for the rest of your life, wondering if you might have been in our newsletter.” – NK-2

Wifeofdadwithnoisykids has been busy taking wonderful care of our children, and leading them in their home schooling. This past year she took her annual silent retreat and realized just how wonderful her husband is. Her greatest desire, after her prayer to see all of her family in Heaven, is to have another baby. This sentiment is reflected in a conversation that she had, after telling a saleswoman she had twelve children:

Saleswoman: “Are you done? Are you going to have any more?”
Wifeofdadwithnoisykids: “We hope. We want more. We are praying for more.”
Saleswoman: “Oh, so you are going for a large family?”
Wifeofdadwithnoisykids: “YES!”

I am one year older and working at a hospital. I would write more, but Wifeofdadwithnoisykids already thinks I’m boasting enough. When I am not at the hospital, I am working my full time job as husband and father to our children. Wifeofdadwithnoisykids and I truly are blessed with the children that God has given to us. On my annual silent retreat this last year I also realized just how wonderful a husband I am.


“I love you.” NK-12 said this to NK-2

Yes, NK-12 (1) can talk, sing, and dance. We don’t understand much of what she says, but she talks a lot. She continues to have fun as the little princess, playing with her older brothers and sisters. She had a full-blown case of the chicken pox before her first birthday, and loves to climb anything.

“If you make a hole in my head, and look in, grasshoppers will jump out at you. And if you touch them, you will turn into one.” – NK-11

NK-11(3): I like vacuuming. I play with thingy ma-bobbies which are Legos. I want a step stool that’s as big as our house, way up there, so I can climb on our house and every house. I want to turn ‘Spiderman’ and climb up there (pointing to the ceiling in the great room), that would be fun. And swinging on the fan, that would be fun. I want to get cars for my friends that UPS’s will bring on the back of their truck. Once there was two UPS’s but there are a whole bunch of one PS’s.

“Mom, why did you give me such a funny name?” – NK-10
“Which name?” - Mom
“John! – NK-10

NK-10 (5): I like St. Nicholas, he is nice. I like him to get lots of candy for me and NK-8 and NK-11 and my godparents. I like taking the garbage down to the gate. I want a john Deere tractor that is not broken and has a trailer on it. He had surgery in November for a lazy eye. Good results, so far….

“She was so cute, and then she broke!” NK-9’s comment on the broken outdoor statue of Mary

NK-9 (6): Have a good Christmas. I like playing with real dogs and Legos. I want Jesus to have a good birthday. I want us to have good cookies for people who we know can come and play with me. I want to have a good day on Christmas and everybody else. I want to be sandman. He cannot die. I am hoping to get some of those choking hazard Legos for Christmas this year!

“What song was that?” NK-8, after listening to the piano teacher play a beautiful rendition of ‘Jingle Bells.’

NK-8 (8): Really I was 11 and now I’m twelve. A monster came and ate me. He had big arms and he played the hand-slapping game with me. I made my 1st confession on my Feast Day, St. Elizabeth of the Hungry. I like playing in my room with my paper dolls and kitchen set with NK-7 and NK-12. My favorite food is chocolate. I like putting up decorations in my house and outside and enjoying Christmas when Jesus was born. NK-8 had her appendix removed in February, making hers the second case of appendicitis in three months. So far, everyone else has retained his/her appendices.

“And I don’t want that to appear in the newsletter!” – NK-7, after saying something funny (in May).

NK-7 (9): I wish y’all a Happy Christmas and a Blessed New Year. I would like mom to have a little sister for NK-12 this year. I got cleats in June. [Editor: for those not educated in orthodontics, a cleat is a small metal piece attached to the back of her 8 front teeth. They are used to keep her tongue back and allow the open bite to close.]. I like to play with my toys with my sisters NK-12 and NK-8. I went to a nice Mexican restaurant on my birthday and my sister NK-8’s birthday as well. I got a bathtub and food set for my Bitty Babies.


“I wonder why everyone thinks our newsletter is funny” – NK-6

NK-6 (10): I like Christmas. Christmas is FUN! I like playing baseball. My favorite team is the Rangers. I like jumping on our new trampoline. I want us to get new dogs because one of our dogs went away and the other decided to live at the neighbor’s house because she feeds her. I want dogs that can breed and have lots and lots of puppies, so I can breed and breed and breed. Merry Christmas from NK-6!

“I’m going to be the greatest twelve year old there ever was” – NK-5

NK-5 (11): My hobbies are playing football and baseball. I want to join the Marines when I grow up. I went to home school field day and I got to play a lot of football. I am planning on joining the Youth Group in 2007. I got to spend time with friends in Houston and watched them play baseball.

When am I supposed to do my math, during the school day? – NK-4

NK-4 (13): I enjoy playing the violin, which I started in August. And I still play the piano. I enjoy playing basketball and baseball. I do not play those sports on a team. I want to be an engineer, single, and help the poor. My nickname is Zephyr.

“Nope. Never mind!” - NK-3’s response to: “We are going to call Dad.”

NK-3 (14): Spends his time reminding us of all his Christmas and birthday wishes. He continues to amaze us with his artistic ability, with his drawings and Lego creations.

“I can’t think of anything to write because I was not born with all that nonsense in my head like Dad and NK-1 were” – NK-2

NK-2 (15 and counting down the days till she is 16): I am blessed to have such wonderful parents, especially my father, who is a beacon of stability and calm in my tumultuous adolescent world. Oh, if every child could only have a father like my dear Daddy! Wait, she did come up with something on her own: I play the piano and started violin this year. I got braces in June and hope to have them off before next Christmas. I am an officer (yearbook editor) in the Youth Group. For my 15th birthday, I got “Drivers Ed in a Box,” (a home school driver education course) and I am working on getting my drivers permit. I enjoy taking care of my little sister NK-12 and am praying for God to send little sisters for her so that she has a sister around her age - unlike me whose closest sister in age is six years younger.

“WHAT?!? It’s 12:40, and this is the first I am hearing that I should be doing school today?” – NK-4

NK-1(Histor the Wise) is merely 16, yet already he is in his second infancy. We hope against hope for a second maturity. He is in his Junior Year of homeschooling, working hard to get through it. (Dad told him he couldn’t have a harem until he moved out.) In March, his team won in the highly competitive Faith and History Contest (thanks J., M., and L.!) Three months later he completed the required worship of the Goddess of Prudence and received a learner’s permit. His mouth evolved a set of braces in June, but his contacts required intelligent design. He intends to become either a political analyst or a freelance writer when he, ahem, grows up. Merry Christmas (especially to those who can kindly part with their sniper rifles!) This year he ate a grasshopper - this is advancement in the animal kingdom, considering that last year he ate a worm!


“Sometimes it is exhausting raising a husband.” – Wifeofdadwithnoisykids

This section of the newsletter has yet to be written, for our prayers for more children have yet to be answered. While I love to fill these pages with humorous comments from our children, we would rather the space be filled with the doings of even more little Noisykids, ones with names like Jim-Bob, Clive, Rudyard, Arlo, and Bobbie Ray(we’d call that one ‘Junior’), or, by request, Linus-Cletus-Clement. For now, God appears to be asking for patience; perhaps until we come up with more uncommon names….

“Brace Yourself!” - Our orthodontist

This year we celebrate three children starting on the long and wonderful path of wearing braces. NK-1, NK-2, and NK-7 enthusiastically look forward to the day when all the metal will fall out of their mouths and they have straight teeth and captivating smiles. On the other hand, they already have the smile part….maybe I could use the money for something else – like a car payment!

“I never know what to believe in dadwithnoisykids’ newsletters. The children’s quotes….I believe, but the rest?” - Anonymous

Once again, another year has passed by, and we have all survived another Newsletter. There are many things in this letter which make no sense at all, even to me. I welcome your attempt to understand what it all means, and when you understand it, contact me via my profile.

Messages attached to, or inserted into, packages from Honey Baked Ham, Omaha Steaks, or Sourdough bread from Boudin Bakery in San Francisco will receive priority. Shiny objects will also please us, for we like bright shiny objects.

“You’re not listening to me, are you?” – Wifeofdadwithnoisykids
“A little.” - dadwithnoisykids

Love Mother Earth, dudes! Recycle! You know this belongs at the bottom of a pile of decomposing leaves or whatever.

“We’re lying on brooms, pretending we’re big Jesus!” - NK-10 and NK-11, with their arms outstretched

May God bless and keep you in the year 2007. May the Good Lord shine His face upon you, and may your own newsletter be filled with the peace and joy that surpasses all human understanding. Our newsletter reflects a life overflowing with blessings from God, and children who say things that sometimes surpass our understanding.

NK-10: “Mom, what’s that on your lips?”
Mom: “Lip gloss.”
NK-10: “Nope. It’s your slobber.”

“My shoe size? I fit tens, but really my foot is a nine” – NK-5

“I don’t laugh at our newsletter. I’m much too serious for such matters.” - NK-2


Truthseeker said...

Being the mother of only one (and a super one at that!) I really get a kick out of your family stories and great satisfaction from your faith writings. Please don't even think of not blogging (reference to an earlier post) because those of use who read SSD everyday would miss it terribly, and more and more readers are going to discover you and your wisdom.

Faithfully, Donna

therese said...

Wow, 12, I was trying to figure out how many there were, obviously without much success as I had only guessed around 8. We are praying for number 9. A lady at our parish just had her 12th at age 47, and another parishioner her 10th at age 49. With my girls praying for twins, maybe I have a chance for twelve. (It might take a couple of sets of twins though.) God Bless you and your wonderful family!

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Guide me in fulfilling your last words in the Gospel,
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