Christmas Sunday Obligation to Attend Mass Abrogated

(Zeeeeenit)  In a move that surprises no one, the United States Conference of Clandestine Catholic Bishops (USCCCB) has determined that since Christmas falls on a Sunday this year, members of the Catholic Church do not have to attend Mass on that day.

For the past several years, the USCCCB has abrogated, or eliminated, the obligation to attend Mass on Holy Days when that Holy Day falls on either a Saturday or a Monday.  In the case of the Feast of the Ascension, or Ascension Thursday, observance of that Holy Day has been moved to the following Sunday in most diocese in the United States.  Some say that the elimination of the obligation to attend Mass on Christmas when it falls on a Sunday is just the next logical step for American Catholics.

Our source for this story, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, stated that this would open up the opportunities for Catholics everywhere to enjoy the day more, without having to get dressed up and leave all the presents behind for a while.

"Christmas is a busy day," our source said, "and there are a lot of things to do that day, like opening presents, watching football games, and going to movies which open on Christmas Day.  Think of the kitchen fires which could be avoided by keeping the whole family home while Christmas dinner is cooking.

"We at the USCCCB are making this decision for the good of the Church; I mean, heaven forbid you should have to go to Church more than once a week!"

We are trying to verify this story.  Due to the immediate ramifications of this pronouncement, we decided to go ahead and publish it beforehand without verification.  The only source we have discovered which refers to this issue is at this website.

The Holy Days of Obligation as observed in the United States are:

• Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God
• Ascension 
• Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary 
• All Saints' Day 
• Feast of the Immaculate Conception
• Christmas

For those of you who have read this far, of course this just a joke.  There is no USCCCB as far as I know, and yes, you do have to go to Mass this Sunday.  Merry Christmas!