Windows Humor in Haiku

I have been reading a bit of poetry lately; hopefully I shall review the book I am reading in the next day or two. Tonight, however, I was reminded of some haikus which make fun of the Windows operating systems. These haikus were written to replace the more mundane error messages one would see frequently on a computer. Please understand that these are not my own poems.

I found them at this location. Enjoy:


Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Seeing my great fault
Through darkening blue windows
I begin again
- - - - - - - - - - - -

The code was willing,
It considered your request,
But the chips were weak.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?
- - - - - - - - - - - -

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Errors have occurred.
We won't tell you where or why.
Lazy programmers.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Server's poor response
Not quick enough for browser.
Timed out, plum blossom.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Login incorrect.
Only perfect spellers may
enter this system.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

This site has been moved.
We'd tell you where, but then we'd
have to delete you.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Wind catches lily
scattering fragrant petals:
segmentation fault
- - - - - - - - - - - -

ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask way too much.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down
- - - - - - - - - - - -

A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

There is a chasm
of carbon and silicon
the software can't bridge
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that
- - - - - - - - - - - -

No keyboard present
Hit F1 to continue
Zen engineering?
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

The ten thousand things
How long do any persist?
Netscape, too, has gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Rather than a beep
Or a rude error message,
These words: "File not found."
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

To have no errors
Would be life without meaning
No struggle, no joy
- - - - - - - - - - - -

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
- - - - - - - - - - - -


I hope you have enjoyed these haikus. For those of you who do not know, the portrait at the beginning of this entry is Basho, a famous poet whose specialty was the haiku. The woman below is Amanda McKittrick Ros, another poet whose claim to fame was writing some of the worst poetry and prose known to man. These two are my inspiration to continue to write poetry, for if I cannot write good poetry, I can at least compose really bad poetry.